Friendship and safety...

There's been this difficulty growing in my heart for a few years now. It's been really hard to write about it due to the nature of speaking out about subjects like this. But, the time has come. I'm finding that I'm a writer and that, more than a few times, I've been right when it comes to God's heart in spirituality vs. religion. Now, you might think that sounds cocky in a big way. I'm not saying I'm never wrong. But, this is a season where God has been leading me to trust my intuition over what I've been taught by church. I was curious when someone gave a prophetic word that this would be a season where God would begin to show me who He really, really is. This individual said that this would be a very difficult season of unlearning and learning; but that it would also produce a joy that would be unexplainable as well. It's weird how prophecy works. It's never what you think. In fact, I'm convinced that it can't be. God's never thinking from our small mindset with our limitations, hangups, inhibitions in mind. I think He would make prophesy match experience if He didn't love us as much as He does. But, that love sees so far beyond our opinion of best that it often explodes what we would see as enough into an amazing array of blessings and challenges that are, often, too big for us. This is a season where God is taking away my desires to be a part of things that are less than the best. I've been really struggling in this season. And how could I not? Week after week, month after month I've been learning things about God's nature and about myself that contradict directly what I have learned and assumed from my upbringing and church experience. A lot of these things provide a sense of safety or belonging while being built falsely upon wrong views of God. But as I've stepped out in faith away from safety's edge I'm finding a joyous new land and a God who smiles more than frowns.

We're in a time right now where the church is trying everything to survive. We'll patch up the ship, slap new paint on it, give it a new name, bring in new captains and workers. But, the problem is not that we need a better boat. The problem is the season has changed and we're now travelling on land or even to the moon. I believe a lot of the struggling that we're experiencing in the church today is paralleling my own experience. We've built programs, ideas (even really spiritual and hard to reach ones) not on solid ground, but on sand. And now, it's being shaken. The world has so much of what we have and now we're scrambling to prove that we have stuff to offer that's better. But, the problem is... if you take a really good honest look, people in the church are hurting and struggling to an intense degree. God doesn't always provide abundantly what we would expect a son of a king should have. Loved ones die unexpectedly who were just starting to live in truth and excitement. Identity and purpose are few and far between. We desperately sit through services and strive through missions ventures hoping that it will satisfy our need to be a part of something greater. Something that will change the world. But, it doesn't happen. We're growing colder and more distant. Areas that once were Christian are now Muslim, Buddhist, New Age, etc. Churches are closing by the hundreds around the world and all we can do is ask for more money and try to come up with better strategies to reach the world that has heard what we have to offer and long passed on the opportunity.

My heart is longing for the church. I still go to church every week, but I'm not sure that is going to continue for much longer at this rate. The fact is, I'm bored. I liken church to a party where there is dancing and singing, little interaction, and where one person does most of the talking. Who would go to such a party?! We have to be encouraged just to interact with each other-- "turn to your neighbor." Do we not see ourselves? We're told what to do and those who blindly follow are the ones who will eventually be leaders. Go to this group, reach out to these people, read this, look like this, be this way in this situation. We're so afraid to make a wrong move. Does this reflect God's heart? Hmm... well, before the cross maybe. But even then, God had 10 commands which, more than rules to avoid retribution(the way we see them), were guideposts to life. The ten commandments are inside us... all of us... saved or unsaved. The world knows that sleeping with your neighbor's wife is not the path to successful relationships. Murder is a horrible thing in whatever culture you're in. Nothing new there. It's not that we alone have the patent on the rules that make life work. There are many decent people that follow these commands and live more peaceful lives than a lot of Christians who follow the "rules" and judge everyone around them. I'm sorry, but we've got a Christian culture right now that values weirdness in a way that elevates it to the level of spirituality. We're making the mistake of calling personality spirituality. A lot of people are chosen for leadership positions not because of their qualifications and callings, but because of their "sparkling" personalities. It's kinda weird because God's so not concerned with the outward appearances. But, we're obsessed with it. Someone like me cannot become a mainstream leader because I'm not good enough at pretending to be doing ok. I come up with ideas from intuition that, honestly, are often new ideas from what I hear from God's heart. But, we'd rather do what everyone else is doing. That's personality, not spirituality. 99% of people in the world are conformists. Don't rock the boat, love to have safety over new ideas. There was a group of people who missed the coming Messiah one time because they had a preformed view of what it would look like. It was a safe plan. It made sense. Everyone else was doing it. So, God came up with a plan that, I believe, was purposefully wild and crazy. It wasn't that weirdness was the point. I think it was a response to a mindset and heart condition that rejected the identity of the messiah. Are we rejecting the identity of God today by highly-developed logic and reason mixed with tradition?

The question has been asked before, "So, what would you do differently?" I see in my heart a community of people who don't need a structure or a building to be in each others' lives. Who simply can't be apart because they are so intertwined in relationship with each other. It would simply be unnatural for any one of them to be apart from the other. They have mutual likes/dislikes, but they're not all the same. Everyone has personality, flaws, strengths, weaknesses. Certain spiritual parents are amongst them, not from position of being put in that place, but from reputation and respect. They've earned the hearts of those around them with their poignant words of wisdom fraught from years of frustrated faith and experience in the otherworldly. Men with scars on their faces and even deeper wells of strength and tenacity. They would just as likely take a blow for you as offer you a cup of coffee and a good ear to listen. A community built first on friendship. Like our faith. Like how Jesus came to us. A place where nobody goes without. Nobody can, because we won't let them. From the heart, not from compulsion. Giving without badgering, but because of love. Where every gift is given, not because the tenth is expected by God and some mysterious devourer will destroy what you own if you ignore the plate, but because you can't stand the fact of a friend living in the cold or being hungry while you enjoy your success. And get rid of the plates, for goodness sake, please! Sorry, back on task here... *ahem* Where the lonely finds a place to belong. Where the hurting is given the balm that only a community of love can offer. Where weirdness is not the point. Normal people are OK to be normal, but not valuing it above faith. We don't have to look different to be different. Making decisions together for the mutual benefit of everyone. Everyone has a say. Nobody feels left out. Not a "church", but "the" church. Maybe even the group decides to start a business together because we want to make money and be around each other so much. Amazing, a group of friends who want to be around each other. I know, it's genius!

It's not that what we're doing is wrong. God's not angry at the church in it's present form. But, like a father who sees all the potential of a child, God is looking at this 2000 year old offspring of His and I think He's moving it to a new level. A level that is not safe except for a father's voice saying "You're safe if you go this way." A level that you can't plan for or make into a formula. But the question, as with every other decision that leads to somewhere great, is will we start to move out towards what our hearts are telling us? Or will we continue to be fed milk in the nursery of today's church. If meat is for adults, I'm going to go where it takes to get it. As for me, I'm dying of hunger as "safety" is killing the people that I love.

Thanks for reading.